The US Transportation Department announced Friday that drivers of vehicles over 10,000 pounds will no longer be able to receive or administer fellatio , cunnilingus or other sexual acts while driving in an effort to reduce distractions which lead to crashes. Any driver who fails to meet these requirements will face severe criminal or civil penalties.
The Transportation Department reports that 5,870 people were killed and 515,000 injured in 2008 in crashes connected to driver distraction, often involving fellatio or cunnilingus.
“It seems to me”, said Transportation Secretary Ray Hood, “that too many truck drivers are picking up young hotties at truck stops, giving them rides and getting a blow job as they are driving. The new regulations would forbid that!”
Hood claims that the truck driver could simply pull into a designated rest area and enjoy the oral or “hand job” sex in the privacy of the sleeper compartment or trailer sections of the vehicle. After the act is finished, the driver and his passenger could drive uninterrupted for the remainder of the journey.
Not all truck drivers were supportive of the measure. Long haul trucker Ralph Stetson said, “If I have to stop every time I got a blow job I’d never get to where I’m going! I couldn’t even make a living if I had to stop for an hour for every piece of ass I picked up!”
Jesse James, the famous West Coast Chopper owner, is also protesting this ban. He said that since his marriage to Sandra Bullock is over, he needs to go on the road to look for new tattoo models. And this ban would hamper his talent search as having oral sex while ridding is a prerequisites.
Frequent hitchhiker Shannon “Bambi” Jones was supportive of the ruling. “It doesn’t usually take more than three minutes!” she claimed.
Hood says they will delay decisions on cell phone use and texting while driving because, as he said, “that’s not as big a problem”.